When somebody asks: “Who are you?”, and you are suddenly overcome by all those memories, all those moments that define you, your behavior, personality... but is that really you???

Today I see myself surrounded by friends, family, on their way... and I’m still here in the same place I was some years ago. Still sitting ant the side of the road watching time flow by, as people come and go. I’ve already had my chance to choose, to start moving on but why am I still here, frozen, imprisoned in a motionless, timeless paradox? Feeling myself like an obstacle I’m supposed to overcome. “I’ve had my three strikes, why am I still in the game?”

I know I should move forward. I know I should evolve. But how can I know where I’m going If I can’t even define who I am...Everyone tells me to go, that time is running out; I can feel it, I see myself being stuck here forever. Actually I.. I can’t see myself further away than 5 seconds from now...and people, after hearing this, generally ask: “But what about your dreams?” and I’m tempted to reply “What dream?”... I used have dreams to have hopes, or so I believed...

You feel like every one is judging you. Waiting for that final second when you jump to your feet and start running to try and catch up. But that second never comes.... for years I’ve been waiting for that moment... years of beginnings, endings, and crash landings. One continuous face-plant. And as soon as things start to look good... I go and trample myself again.

Life has become a meaningless, self-sabotaging vicious cycle where there’s always something to fall back on to, but its been slowly fading away... Even those who love you become distant. You never seem to get your act together. But unlike in the movies where the messed up kid is always in a party, you are not in a make believe world, telling yourself that you (just like the retard in the movie) will snap out of it. The biggest difference is you know the kind of self-destructing habits you have created, but you never seem to come around to correcting them.

And in all of these the people around you become scared, even those that held you dearest loose hope... what’s going on you are still the same... that’s exactly what’s going on you are expected to have grown up... and yet some how you seem to be a fucked up version of Benjamin Button, where instead of growing down (so to speak) physically, its happening inside....

Where yesterday there was something, today it’s just a hole... people around you get hurt, and they belive you don’t care, when in the end that’s what hurts you the most...

I have dedicated my life to others to help them move on and see them leave, and to never turn around not even to say thank you... you live for others... but who is living for me???